The holidays can certainly be an overwhelming time for a wife as she adds more to her already stress-filled life. Whether your schedule is filled with working, waking, cooking, feeding, watching, saving, counseling, calling, emailing, cleaning, planning, helping, teaching, driving, exercising, nursing, pumping, pushing, pulling, helping, stopping, starting, convincing, guiding, getting, giving, shopping, washing, wiping, picking up, dropping off, putting down, getting up, listening, talking, encouraging, laughing, or crying… it’s no wonder a wife is too pooped to whoop by the time she makes it to bed!
The truth is, life can really throw us wives for a loop, and if we allow our emotions to get the best of us, there’s no way we’ll be able to put our selfishness and mood swings aside in order to do something special for our husband during The 12 Days of Christmas!
A wife shouldn’t become a Grinch when it comes to giving to her marriage during the holidays. In fact, that’s exactly how The 12 Days of Christmas began in the first place; I was tired of the chaos wreaking havoc in the relationship with my husband and making our bedroom feel more like a deep freeze at a time where we were supposed to be focused on God giving so much to us.
It’s hard to believe TWELVE YEARS have passed since I challenged myself to do something different for my marriage, and while The 12 Days of Christmas has definitely benefited our marriage since its conception, I’d be lying if I told you that it’s always been easy.
There have been times where I had no idea how I would make it through TWELVE CONSECUTIVE DAYS… and, there have been years where things outside of our marriage had crept in so deeply that I didn’t even want to try sooooo… to help YOU succeed during The 12 Days of Christmas, here are a few DO’s and DON’Ts I’ve learned over the past twelve years…
5 THINGS TO DO…
#1) PRAY EVERY DAY
Ask God to help you keep your focus on your husband and remove any selfish tendencies you have. Even if you’re struggling in your marriage, ask God to give you the strength to show love, adoration, and respect to your husband every day (one day at a time) so he will feel loved and valued.
#2) FOCUS ON YOUR HUSBAND
Put him first in all you do when he’s around, and let your thoughts be focused on him when he’s not. Thank God each day for a quality you appreciate in your husband because a heart that’s grateful has a harder time being discontent. Change any current habits that take time away from your husband, including social media and your kiddos, which leads me to #3…
#3) LET YOUR CHILDREN KNOW YOU’RE SURPRISING THEIR DAD
As important as your children are, they will one day leave home to live their own life. This is why your relationship with your husband is so important to maintain now… and for your children to see that. What they see today in your marriage relationship will become “normal” for theirs. That being said, if what they’ve seen hasn’t been great, then now is a great time to change it around! It’s never too late to teach children it’s never too late for God’s redemptive power!
Tell you kids you’re trying to make your hubby feel extra loved over The 12 days of Christmas. Include them in ways they can help, like making supper, help with decorating, watching siblings during a movie or sibling-sitting for you to go out for a special dinner! Remember, they’re learning from your example, and just might be a tradition they will continue in their own marriage someday!
#4) MAKE TIME FOR THIS
Clear as much OUT of your schedule as you possibly can. Focusing on your husband for twelve consecutive days will be impossible to do if you treat it like every other day. The 12 Days of Christmas is an event, and it needs to stand out as a special gift you give to your husband, and your marriage.
Show your husband how much he means to you by making him a priority in all that goes on from December 14th thru Christmas Day. Refuse all the junk (aka “clutter”) that demands your attention and takes up space in your mind, heart, and soul (especially during this time of year). If you’re going to give your husband your best, you can’t allow your best to be taken from you each and every single day… and regardless of whether you work at home, from home, or out of the home… remove what’s not important to give time and effort to what is.
#5) DO AT LEAST ONE NICE THING EVERY DAY
The 12 Days of Christmas is all about havin’ fun with your hubby, so choose to do special things that will make him feel loved and put a smile on his face every day. Say at least one nice thing each day to encourage him, and don’t forget the “merry makin'”!
5 THINGS NOT TO DO…
#1) DO NOT SPEAK ONE BAD WORD TO OR ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND
Do NOT speak one bad word, roll your eyes, or do anything is disrespects your husband in front of the kids, your friends, on social media, or to him throughout The 12 Days of Christmas. If you can’t say anything nice, then keep your mouth shut. This doesn’t mean you can’t have any disagreements with your husband, but it does mean you have to resolve them in a way that strengthens your marriage… not tears it down.
#2) DO NOT GET DISTRACTED BY NEGATIVITY
If you start to struggle because your husband has said something he shouldn’t, or is just plain crabby (hey, it happens…), take a deep breath IN and OUT and ask God to help you continue to do the right thing and be a loving wife. Don’t let him bring you down. Remember, love is a choice. Love your husband though his bad moments. It’s not always easy… but it is always worth it.
#3) DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOUR HUSBAND
Don’t do The 12 Days of Christmas so you’ll get something in return. This is not about you. Don’t expect a certain kind of reaction from your husband, and don’t get upset if he doesn’t react how you think he should. Remember, you’re doing this for him. If he doesn’t seem to notice something you did, then maybe you need to try something else. Remember, this is supposed to be about what he would like to receive… not what you would like to give (or get yourself).
#4) DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES
Don’t wait until next year when you can to “do it better”. Don’t wait until you have more money to spend, or more little blessings to wear, or lose more weight, or don’t have your period, or have a more beautiful bedroom, or are in better health, or the baby is older, or the kids are grown. You will always be able to find a reason not to do this if you look hard enough. You have not been promised anything… you have no idea how much time you will have with your husband, so don’t wait until next year.
#5) DO NOT QUIT!
No matter what life throws at you or what might come up during the 12 days, don’t quit. (That’s what the enemy wants…) The 12 Days of Christmas is like hitting the “reset” button on your relationship… it’s a way to breathe new life into your marriage and begin a new year in a great place, together. Complete the 12 days because in the end, your husband will be blessed… and so will YOU, but it begins with YOUR decision to make it great. It’s up to you…
YOUR MARRIAGE IS WORTH IT
Don’t allow the rest of the world’s expectations creep in and steel your joy during the holidays this year! It’s easy to get caught up in the holidays and giving the perfect gift to everyone else, but don’t forget what a gift it is to just be a wife. Choose to remain joyful and giving this Christmas!
Bring The 12 Days of Christmas to your marriage! Don’t allow your current circumstances prevent you from doing this!
- Pregnant?… You can still have sex… and LOTS of it!
- Just give birth?… Get creative! One year I had a baby on December 17th! Needless to say, I had to get pretty creative! You may not feel your sexiest, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find ways to his WHATCHAMACALLIT!
- No “extra” money?… Remember, getting naked doesn’t cost a thing… just GRIN & BARE IT!
- “Aunt flow” visiting?… The shower is a great place to RUB-A-DUB-DUB!
SUGGESTED NEXT STEP… How to Lock Lips & Lose Weight This Christmas