I don’t remember where I was when I realized how bad things were in my marriage…
I can’t recall how long I’d been trying to make things better…
…but I will NEVER forget how ready I was ready to leave my husband.
I wanted out.
I was done.
I had found myself in a marriage I no longer wanted… a commitment I couldn’t see lasting… and I was scared to death of living my life with him… together and miserable forever.
I had tried to be the best wife I could… to make my husband happy and love me, make him less busy and of more what I wanted… but nothing was working and I’d grown weak from trying and had become completely indifferent to our marriage.
I don’t remember that day… but I do remember having a very honest conversation with God that went something like this…
“God, I’m done… I have done MY part to make this marriage work, but he’s not doing his. I have done everything I can think of, but nothing is working and so I’m coming to You. I’m done. I don’t care. YOU fix it. I can’t do this anymore… it’s up to You to save it. I’m done.”
I was angry… hurt… scared to death… and done (in case you missed that part). But, for as much as I wanted to give up, there was a small amount of hope in that raw prayer that left the possibility open for God to work a miracle. It was the part where I gave my marriage to God and allowed His power to work in my marriage… and me.
I had no idea how two simple words would open the door to God’s power.
How God must long to hear wives speak those words and finally give up every manipulating thought behind every controlling action to get our way. How He must love it when we’ve finally come to the end of ourselves and willingly let go of what we think is best… and decide to trust Him. How He must rejoice when we finally let go of the reins in our weakness and give our marriage and husband up to Him.
There is always room for more of God’s power and less of yours and when you seek God’s guidance and strength through prayer, you open your heart to becoming more than you are at this very moment. A wife willing to allow God to work through her will always accomplish more than she could ever do on her own because the hard truth is, you’re not strong enough to do it on our own… (none of us are).
Seeing a change in your husband will always start with more of God’s power and less of yours. Controlling, nagging, and passively/aggressively “helping” your husband will never move him toward what God wants for him. Your husband has to do it on his own or it won’t last. Your part is to cover your husband in prayer. Prayer is YOUR weapon because it refuses to allow the devil take more ground in your marriage. Remember, it’s not your husband you’re fighting against, but the enemy who seeks to destroy you, your husband, and your marriage; the union that makes you both one.
This oneness gives us a power the enemy doesn’t like. That’s why he devises way to weaken it. He gives us whatever we will fall for, whether it be low self-esteem, pride, the need to be right, miscommunication, or the bowing to our own selfish desires… He’ll tell you whatever you will believe, because he knows if he can get you to believe it, there is no future for your marriage. If you believe enough lies, your heart will eventually be hardened against God’s truth… When a heart becomes hard, there is no vision from God’s perspective… We only see the way it is, not the way God wants it to become. ~Stormie Omartian, The Power of a Praying Wife
The truth is, the enemy is out to destroy all marriages and confuse our idea of what love is. For this very reason, if you think you can fight the enemy on your own power, you’re gonna fail because loving your husband calls you to be more selfless… more humble… more caring… more generous… more kind… more thoughtful… more patient… more calm… more forgiving… more pleasant… more trusting… more encouraging… and more optimistic than you could ever be on your own. Left to your own power, you will become easy prey for the enemy to take you down. You need God’s power in you to be the wife He desires you to be… and honey, that ain’t gonna come easy all the time because marriage consists of two imperfect people… and that can be a toxic combination!
JUST GIVE UP…
I’ve found that when I’m struggling the most, it’s usually because I’m still trying to get my own way and I need to step back and allow God’s Power to take over mine. If you want a great marriage, give up your will to His power… every day… in every thing BUT you’re gonna have to be willing to be a wife who longs to do right more than be right, and give life more than get even.
Trust me… God truly can redeem what is lost, broken, and hopeless. This coming March, Mike and I will celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary. We have 11 children (7 boys and 4 girls), as well as a wonderful daughter-in-law! When I think about how much life and love has been added to our marriage since the day I was ready to leave… it blows my mind. It hasn’t always been easy, but nothing worth having ever is.
Let’s face it, people make decisions… they make mistakes… and sometimes, they choose to do things that have life-long consequences. You cannot control what others do but you can be wise in what you do… and wisdom comes from only one place… God.
Turn your marriage around and head in a different direction… forward.
Regardless of where you’re at in your marriage today… ask God to help you trust Him in the details of your relationship with your husband… no matter where your husband is at on his own journey. Leave room for hope… even if it’s the tiniest little chance. Become a Warrior Wife that fights for something worth more and trust His plans for your marriage… and watch what He does to you, through you, in you… and in your relationship with your husband!
What are you trying to control/manipulate in your marriage? What have you been trying to do on your own power?
- Make a list of everything you are trying to control in your marriage and your husband.
- Add to it as the day goes on.
- At the end of the day, hand over every single thing to God and give Him control by shredding or tearing up the list.
- Do this each day this week.
- Put the pieces in jar and set the jar in a place you see to remind you for the rest of the challenge that you have quit trying to be in control of your marriage (and your husband) and have committed to trusting God and His power.
time to connect…
Make time to be alone with your husband this week. Get a sitter and go out, pop a movie in and have hot chocolate together, or make a special dinner to have after the kids are in bed. Tell him something you’re grateful for that he does/is. Even if you’re struggling in your marriage right now, do your best to create some time together that’s enjoyable… even if it’s only 15 minutes. Look him in the eyes and make a connection.
Sometimes what our relationship needs is a “reset”… to focus on each other and let the rest of the world melt away. As “BONUS points”, bring some Crazy Good Lovin’ into your marriage and allow your heart to soften toward your husband! Remember, this is a new start… give it your best effort as you give it to God!
*If your marriage is struggling from unfaithfulness, please take a moment to read, Lost + Found: One Woman’s Story of Her Husband’s Affair and How Can Intimacy be Possible After An Affair Has Entered Your Marriage?
As I begin this prayer challenge to become a Warrior Wife, I ask that You would reveal Your power. I want a marriage that honors You, and I pray that You would make it all that You desire it to be. Only You know everything in my heart and the heart of my husband. You know what I should be praying for, so I ask that You guide my prayers as I seek You more. Help me to fight for and become the wife my husband needs.
I’m sorry for the times I’ve tried to manipulate and control my husband. I’m sorry for the times I haven’t trusted in You and Your timing and have tried to do things in my own power instead. I release MY desires and wants, and give them to You, trusting You to do immeasurably more than I could ever imagine.
I’m done, God… I want my marriage to be what You want it to be… I want to be the wife You want me to be… and I want to follow Your plan, knowing Your ways are always best. I commit to trust You throughout this prayer challenge, pray daily for my husband, and allow You to work in me, my husband, and our marriage. In the Mighty Name of Jesus, Amen.
YOUR NEXT STEP… Why YOUR Affection Matters in Your Marriage